My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize