Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize