you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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