Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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