It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize