my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
