your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was like eating out sand paper
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
