The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize