The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize