This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
