I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
