Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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