You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
