This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
