i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
