i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
