Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize