This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my sisters under your porch take her home
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
