so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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