I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
