Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
