Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
