Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I look better un-naked...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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