I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
