everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
