I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
