This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
