Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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