if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
