drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
