I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need a beard to bite.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
