What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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