she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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