You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
