haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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