that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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