I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
