Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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