thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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