my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
