I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
