While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
