I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
