I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize