who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
