tell your sister to shave her snatch
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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