1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
