what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize