I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
