hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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