Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
