I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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