her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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