Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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