I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
