So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
