like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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