Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
