I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I will be naked everywhere
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
