and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
