I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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