FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize