he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
