the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
