What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
someone owes me an orgasm
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
