Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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