I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
