Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
