i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
