Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
