I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my being single is dangerous.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
