Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I touched a dick in church today
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
